last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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