Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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