OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
