What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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