tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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