i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
