That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it hurts more in the daytime
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
