i already hear my dad disowning me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
