dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
