just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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