if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
