Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
