Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
