it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
