If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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