White coat. Heels.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
