before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
