What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
