So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
