What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Enjoy the penises
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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