I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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