covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
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Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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