I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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