This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found puke in my bra..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
