Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
