it was like having sex with a tree stump
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
