Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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