just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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