Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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