wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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