break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
