just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
