The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
