The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
