True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
