I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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