we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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