The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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