So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
