well I can't set my house on fire every night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
