so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
