I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
