He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
then he tried to convert me to islam
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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