so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
