I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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