And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
then he tried to convert me to islam
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
