I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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