Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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