lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
