i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
