How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
