last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
