I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
