The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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