Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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