she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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