My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
