I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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