I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
