Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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