Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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