When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
