Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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