Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
