1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
