He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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