She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
