I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is Oprah even human
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
