Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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