btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
