first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
