She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
