What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
