I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
